Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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