he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
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Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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