i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
