How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
