I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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