Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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