Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
