Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
