I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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