she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
