your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
