im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
