you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
