after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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