I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
