I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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