I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
