I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
