highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
