a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
