Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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