"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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