Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
