i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
