Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
