Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
