He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
