I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
