We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
