Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
