So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
