Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
