She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
