i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
