I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
