Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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