Can i not drive my cunt home
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
