So drunk its hurt
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
