dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
