Can Purell be used as lube?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
and you fell through a lawn chair
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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