There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
