It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
