Where did you get a picture of my penis
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
