Betty ford says i'm here all night
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
