Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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