Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
