I wanna bring you to show and tell
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
