He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize