I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just gargled with NyQuil
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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