a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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