k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's the barista slut.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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