I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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