I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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