booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
