I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
