the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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