Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
