It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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