you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
