So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
