Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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