She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
