fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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